For Mahajaan with Love

Right after the upheaval, I became aware of my own morality and the inevitability of death. Lying in my bed, surrounded by books, a lot of important questions came to my mind...I realized you can learn more in one hour of silence than you can in a year from books. Silence introduces us to ourselves-----for better and for worse.
Silence convicts, suggests, and challenges------yes.
But silence also consoles, heals, comforts, clears the mind, and gives courage to the weary heart. I grasped the fact that life is a blend of ups and downs and this philosophy, my dear mahajaan, is clearly reflected in our case. I decided to sit down and write an apology letter to you…I understood the real meaning of “Tranquility/ Harmony/ Serenity” upon completing the letter.
I played my role (which was wajib) and left you at liberty to play yours. What I can tell you is that holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else, and you are the one who gets burned.
Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved. Men at some time are masters of their fate. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, they make them. Mahajaan, don't let worldly life beguile you, and don't let illusion blind you.
Sometimes life shakes us up a little. We become disoriented, over whelmed, consumed by the day-to-day happenings in our lives. Our lives are an expression of what is within us. Life is an overflow of the heart. If within you are confused, frustrated, and exhausted, your actions will tell the same story. We are human beings-----a delicate composition of body and soul, linked carefully by the will and the intellect.
Some assumptions are not permissible, such as holding a bad opinion about someone who manifests righteous behavior. This is something that is very easy to have but is harmful to us and injurious to one's own spiritual growth. This is allowing conjecture into one's heart without having facts.
Scholars have advised one should even beware of forming conclusions based on the bad appearances of people, for it could be that God veils their goodness from others. Having a bad opinion of someone without cause is considered a malady of heart. Often associated with this disease is backbiting, speaking ill of another person behind his or her back. (Learn to confront people my love!).
Suspicion in the heart that effect's one's thoughts and opinion of another person is called backbiting of the heart. This is not permissible in our religion.
Some wise person once said “Petty people seek out the faults of great people, while great people overlook the faults of petty people. If a small thing has the power to make you angry, does that not indicate something about your size?”
Sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be vicious. Therefore, I apologize and move on with my life. There is nothing more galling to angry people than the coolness of those on whom they wish to vent their spleen. And let’s face reality, anger ventilated often hurries toward forgiveness; and concealed often hardens into revenge. I don’t believe in revenge, I am more on the forgiveness side if you know what I mean. If we can forgive everyone, regardless of what he or she may have done, we nourish the soul and allow our whole being to feel good. God delights to watch the soul grow. Perhaps we were put here to expand our souls through the experiences of life. When we nourish our soul, we automatically nourish our capacity to love another person.
But at the same time, I don’t believe in begging and imploring either. What you did was injustice, I protested. When I was ignored, I closed the chapter. Khalas. Actually, I savor the idea of my new state. “Free of hypocrisy”. I have realized that seeking to impress humans is a pathetic exercise, an utter waste of time and life.
You have occasionally showed me that I am insignificant; on the other hand, I have always treasured your significance in my life. You made me suffer, for days, but alhamdullilah I have a grip on myself. You are not worth fighting for…a friend will give you a chance to speak, not judge you direct. I realized that and it was easy for me to let go.
Ever since I was a child, I have fought to make freedom my most precious commodity. I am still fighting! I have courage, its overflowing and people can’t stand that! I am not being presumptuous, please don’t misunderstand my statement…I am just telling you -people don’t like the fact that I am ABLE to do what I desire…because they lack that capacity and therefore hate me. Let them go on with hatred while I search for love. I am not insatiable like other a…… and I am very happy to have such a eminence in me! I, Aisha Gothey will never be bullied into silence. I, Aisha Gothey will never allow myself to be made a victim. I, Aisha Gothey will accept no one's definition of my life; I will define it myself.